please do not go

Today I spent 5th period with Mr. Gandt, this really nice (Well not “nice” per se, but a cool guy). The high school is adjacent to the public library and in Mr. Gandt’s room you get a fairly good view of the parking lot and the library. This senior citizen collapsed outside on the parking lot. Just fell down. We thought it was some sort of a hip problem and she’d go to Stony Brook or Peconic Bay and it’d be ok. The ambulances took a really long time getting to the library/HS campus, and there were two of them, which I really didn’t understand WHY it was necessary for two vehicles for ONE lady. But the period ended and the lady was on the stretcher, Mr. Gandt had his class to teach and I had gym to get to, we parted ways and that was it.

Turns out, the poor lady was 92 and she didn’t break her hip. She cracked her head open on the pavement. She died on the way to the hospital.

It’s really weird, being a bystander to her last moments. That the last thing she thought of, or she knew of, was whether she was going to return her books on time. And I saw it. She probably had a husband, or children, and a family. Maybe they were long gone and she was living off the last moments of her life. Maybe she had no one. Maybe this was a release, maybe she was finally happy. Maybe she was suffering and this was the end.

The weather this afternoon has been awfully weird. Its been sunny yet overcast and fiendishly windy. There’s been flurries on and off, but always when the sun is out. I don’t mind this, I love the snow, but the weather has never so accurately described my mood. Cold and bitter but at peace.

Here is to the unknown lady, to hope she’s in a better place than cold pavement.

A Warm Place-Nine Inch Nails